So I think tomorrow is the day to start cry it out with Lily. I've been ready to do it for awhile since I haven't gotten much sleep at night and we have to rock her all the way to sleep, a lot of times fighting it badly. But the closer it gets to actualization, the more nervous and sad I get. I keep telling myself, you CAN'T back out of this. I did that with moving her to the crib from our room. I kept saying we were going to do it and then putting it off. I think mostly because it was viewed as a next step in her life.
This is the same with the cry it out. It's like a realization that she is growing up and not the little baby I use to rock 4 months ago. So in part, I am saying goodbye to a stage in her life. The time flies by so quickly. Where has my 6 pounds, 4 ounce little girl gone? She's here - she's just a happy 14 pounds 13 ounces baby girl now who's in to everything!
I was thinking today also about the fact that even though it's going to be VERY VERY hard listening to my baby cry, it's something that I (as a parent) must do for her. There are going to be lots of things in her life over the next 18 years that I will have to do that are in her eyes bad/sad/not so fun, but for her sake in the long run I must do them. They will make her into a healthy, strong, smart, beautiful woman someday. That is the goal of a parent. Not to keep them a baby under your wing, but to grow her into a young woman who is able to be on her own. As much as I'm sure every single parent wants to just keep their children sheltered and with them, it's not what God has called us to do. Yes, it SUCKS. It sucks big time. And you don't know the feeling until you become a parent yourself.
Some of you maybe be thinking, man - she's ALREADY thinking about this and her daughter is only 4 months old. Yes, I am. And I think that it is good. Because I constantly need to be thinking of the end goal, so I can be the BEST parent possible in the now for her.
So if you're out there reading this, send out some prayers my way tomorrow night as I'm sure it's going to be a rough one. I love this little girl more than she will know until she's a parent herself. And tomorrow I am going to love her in the fact that I will teach her how to sleep on her own.
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You can do it! You can do it! Just tell Matt to listen to her and you go somewhere else you can't hear it like I did ;) And look what great sleep habits Ava has to show for 2 nights of CIO! You can do it! :)
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