My sweet little angel has, for the past week or two, changed in to a very opinionated little toddler. Not that she isn't sweet anymore or a little angel, but there are times where that completely disappears. She has started getting VERY angry and upset when something she has in mind doesn't go her way. For example, this morning she didn't want to get dressed so when I try to go and put clothes on her she starts WAILING and flailing everywhere throwing an all out temper tantrum. Another example, yesterday evening I told her after dinner she could have some cookies because she had a good dinner. I get cookies out and apparently she wanted fruit snacks. She LOVES fruit snacks but had already had 2 packages that day. So I told her no and tried to give her the cookies. Well, you guessed it, that set her off again. I've been trying to just ignore them because from some things I've read this is a tactic that is supposedly good for this age. But I feel like that's not good enough or something. This age is hard because they are becoming more and more independent but can't verbalize and don't understand they can't get their way all the time yet. I can't just have a conversation with her about throwing tantrums because she wouldn't understand. I've tried to look things up on mom/baby websites but hear conflicting opinions. I feel like time outs are appropriate for that behavior but I feel like she may still be too young for that - either not understanding the concept fully or not being able to have the ability to sit still.
So... for all you other moms who have been through this stage or are currently there... do you have any advice/opinions? I'd LOVE to get some feedback on this. I want to be a good mom and do the right thing for her. I want to understand that she can't fully talk in conversation yet and can't understand everything that I say but I also want to raise a good well behaved child. What do I do? Keep ignoring it, try to do time outs somehow, or something else?
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2 comments:
Luckily, this stage doesn't last long. John Parker still has "fits" every so often, but we can reason with him now. When he was around Lily's age, I based my reaction on the reason he was throwing a tantrum.
If he was being ugly on purpose and knew it, "spanking" and saying "NO" very firmly was effective. I would say something simple like, "We do not __.") Short, simple sentences. And then quickly move on to something else.
If he was tired, hungry, etc. and I knew that was affecting his behavior, I would tell him "No we don't __" but hold him on my lap until he calmed down. I read a great article several months ago about toddlers sometimes getting frazzled and just needing to be held tightly and calmly. Almost like swaddling a baby. Toddlers don't know what to do with their emotions.
At that age, they really aren't being "bad", just trying to figure out how things work and how to get what they want. I think you're right, time outs probably won't do much at this age- distractions are best.
This too shall pass! :<}
I agree with your friend about holding them until they calm down. I usually go get their blankies and that almost always does the trick. They suck their thumb and hold the blankie and they calm down. Strong emotions are completely overwhelming for a toddler and I believe it is the parents job to help them learn to sooth themselves and have self control.
Lately the boys have been throwing fits about eating. I put their plate down and they say NO and push it off. I usually just say No very firmly and put the plate back up on their tray. If they continue. I just remove the plate and wait until they calm down and ask them if they want to eat. I just ignore them until they do want to eat. THen I ask again until they say yes. It usually only take 5-10 minutes. Yesterday though, Benji was just besides himself (don't know WHAT was going on with him) and I finally had to hold him on my lap and feed him. Flexibility and calmness from the parent is the key. We have to model the behavior we want so we can't fly off the hook when they get upset. Easier said than done sometimes, I know. Good luck! Pray for patience! I know I do!
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